The scapeGOAT
Let’s start off by doing something ridiculously easy.
Shooting-dead-grouper-in-a-barrel-easy. Easier than taking candy from a baby.
I’m going to point out something Peter FitzSimons got wrong.
My apologies in advance for subjecting you to some of his cod-blokey bluster, but it’s only three lines.
Or as he might put it: “What’s that you say? You GOTTA BE PULLING MY CLOTHES PEG! Read FitzSimons! – and me on an empty stomach! You gotta be JOSHIN’ ME COBBER!”
Alright, nothing else for it here’s the authentic article:
“Sorry, what? Novak Djokovic says – hold his breath and hope to die – he might not come to the Australian Open in January if he has to prove he has been double jabbed?
And this presents what kind of a problem to the organisers?
None that I can see.”
A day had barely passed before this latest assault on journalism was released and sent slouching towards Bethlehem, that the Herald Sun reported about a third of men’s and women’s players are not vaccinated.
If this doesn’t change the Oz Open organisers might be looking at a field which is the equivalent of the Australian Test cricket side during the Packer League (World Series Cricket) split – eg. one with much reduced star power.
I might see how my backhand down the line is shaping up in anticipation of a wild card entry.
There’s less sport in showing FitzSimons up than even my parody imitation of tennis.
News Ltd blogger Tim Blair has long pointed out the awesome inverse power of a Fitzsimons prediction – it almost inevitably turns out wrong.
Anyway, let’s say all the unvaccinated players are verified vaccinated in time for the Open, except for known anti-vaxxer Djokovic.
Let’s also assume, tennis being an individual sport, that no other players boycott in protest.
Djokovic is the co-founder and currently co-president of the Professional Tennis Players Association,which has proved highly popular with the players.
He spoke up for his fellow players who, unlike him as he was based in Adelaide, were practicing forehands while trying not to break the TV in their mice-infected hotel rooms.
Djokovic’s current position is he will neither confirm or deny whether he’s been at the pointy end of a vaccine syringe.
However, we do know he has already had Covid.
Like most people now, I am a fully Twitter-accredited epidemiolog… epidmelogosti… infectious diseases expert.
Doesn’t having Covid and shaken it off give him a certain level of immunity?
OK, let’s leave that and go onto just how big a threat Djokovic will pose to the Australian public, almost certainly one of the most highly vaccinated cohorts on Earth by January.
Djokovic is unlikely to line up at Queen Vic Markets on his first morning in Melbourne for a hot jam donut.
He will more likely stay in his room, probably get room service for meals, go to a practice court and retire early to his room.
Such is the glamorous life of a professional tennis player who wants to win.
Nick Kyrgios if he can find the time to enter at all in between public break-ups with his girlfriend will probably catch a taxi from the nightclub to be on court for his early morning first round match.
But why, if Australia is still shooting itself in both feet by demanding vaccination for entry, should Djokovic get special treatment?
It’s not as if people have got special treatment during the Covid period – like Hollywood stars, or footballers and their families or Queensland premiers who have to go to Tokyo to witness a done deal being done and dealed.
Or tennis players.
You might remember last year’s Australian Open, when stars were imported from known Covid hotspots, and leaked out of hotel quarantine, forcing Victoria’s third (or fourth, whatever) lockdown.
Meanwhile Victorians, returning from very safe Covid-free areas of NSW, looked longingly over the Murray from their ramshackle refugee campervan settlements.
Unfortunately, every sad, mad and bad moment of the Australian Covid experience suggests, unless Djokovic backs down, he won’t be playing in the Australian Open – and to copy a FitzSimons shrug – so what?
What would we possibly miss out on?
Only seeing Djokovic clinch the undisputed title as the greatest of all time tennis player – or GOAT.
As part of the Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal triumvirate, Djokovic sits tied with them on 20 Grand Slam titles.
He owns the Australian Open in the same way that FitzSimons owns a TV panel show microphone.
Despite Djokovic’s surprise loss of the US Open Final to Daniil Medvedev he would be highly likely to claim the all-time Grand Slam record in Melbourne next January.
Who wants to see a piece of sporting history like that? Why would you want Australia and Melbourne promoted to a greater-than-usual world audience who might tune in to see it?
Djokovic has already been granted another type of pre-eminence in Australia.
As the notorious anti-vaxxer and the spokesperson who spoke up on behalf of his fellow professionals he was already a very useful public enemy No. 1.
The Victorian government especially needs anti-vaxxers to blame and direct anger towards as a deflection from its miserable Covid performance.
I don’t know Dan Andrews privately, he’s never once responded to my invites for a good afternoon’s shot-putting practice, where he is the catcher.
From what I have seen of him publicly I think there is a deep level of political pettiness and an ability to hold a grudge.
I suspect if it was openly revealed in all its stature the Palestinians and Israelis would join hands, realising how comparatively little enmity they have for each other.
So, the totally, oh so dreadfully, inappropriate booing the Victorian government received after Djokovic won the Open last year probably still rankles.
That was beamed to an international audience and so it might be the biggest and most defining impression the Andrews government ever makes on the world stage.
That is so… so… very… sorry… it’s just so unfair, dammit!… I can’t go on with tears streaming down my face, threatening to short circuit the keyboard.
Let Djokovic play, let him claim a record that might stand a very long time, and let that happen in Australia.
Let him do what he does best, better perhaps than anyone in history.
Meanwhile, FitzSimons will, sigh, keep doing what he does best and provide the public service of telling us what he expects to happen so we can expect the direct opposite.
Want to read more – here is the thrilling manifesto for Southwell’s Word Emporium.
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